You can’t pour from an empty cup: A working mother’s journey to being enough

By Mubina Khan-Daniels

There are days when I wake up already exhausted — before the coffee, before the emails, before the school drop-offs. Days when my mind is already running through the checklist: Be a good mum. Be a supportive wife. Be a kind daughter. Be a present friend. Be a capable manager. Be a person of faith. And somewhere in there, don’t forget to be yourself.

It’s a lot. And if you’re a working mother reading this, I know you feel it too — that quiet pressure to be everything to everyone, all at once. It’s the weight of invisible expectations that society places on us, and often, the ones we place on ourselves.

For a long time, I felt like I was failing in every role. If I gave my all to work, I felt guilty about not spending enough time with my children. If I poured into my family, I worried about dropping the ball at work. There was never enough of me to go around. But over time, I’ve learned something freeing — no one actually expects me to give 100% to everything, all the time. The people who love me just need me to be well, be present, and be okay.

Here’s what that realisation taught me — and what I hope will bring you comfort too.

1. Being a good mother

We often equate “good mothering” with constant presence and perfection — the homemade lunches, the organised playdates, the patience that never runs out. But our children don’t need perfection; they need connection.

Try this:

• Give yourself permission to let go of the small things.

• Focus on presence over perfection — even ten minutes of undistracted time can fill a child’s heart.

• Remind yourself that love isn’t measured in hours, it’s felt in moments.

2. Being a supportive wife or partner

When life gets busy, our partners can unintentionally end up last on the list. I’ve learned that it’s not about grand gestures — it’s about small, consistent kindness.

Try this:

• Share honestly when you’re stretched thin instead of pretending you can do it all.

• Create small rituals — a five-minute morning coffee together, a walk after dinner, or a text in the middle of the day just saying “thinking of you.”

• Teamwork isn’t about doing everything equally, it’s about doing what you can, together.

3. Being a loving daughter, sister, and friend

Relationships outside of your immediate family can easily fall by the wayside when you’re juggling so much. But connection doesn’t have to mean constant contact.

Try this:

• Redefine what “showing up” looks like — a quick call on your commute, a voice note, or even a thoughtful text can mean a lot.

• Don’t apologize for needing seasons of quiet. Real friends and loving family understand.

• When you can, be intentional — quality over quantity always wins.

4. Being a manager and employee

At work, the pressure to “prove yourself” can feel even heavier when you’re also managing life outside of it. I used to think being professional meant pretending my home life didn’t exist. Now, I realise that authenticity builds trust.

Try this:

• Set realistic boundaries — and actually keep them.

• Delegate where you can, and communicate clearly about priorities.

• Be kind to yourself. You are human before you are an employee.

• Remember: you set an example for other women when you model balance, not burnout.

5. Being a person of faith

As a person of faith, I often felt guilty for not spending “enough” time in prayer, reading, or service. But I’ve learned that faith is not measured in hours, it’s measured in heart.

Try this:

• Invite your faith into your daily moments — a whispered prayer in traffic, gratitude while folding laundry, or peace before bed.

• Let go of guilt. Faith is not a checklist; it’s a relationship.

• Remember that grace is for you too.

6. Being You

This might be the hardest one of all — remembering who you are outside of all your roles. For a long time, I didn’t even know what I liked anymore. But the truth is, the better you care for yourself, the better you can love others.

Try this:

• Take time that’s just for you — not to be productive, but to simply be.

• Stop waiting for “when things calm down.” That moment rarely comes on its own — you have to claim it.

• Remember: self-care isn’t selfish. It’s survival.

The realisation

When I finally admitted that I couldn’t give 100% to everything, it felt like failure at first. But then came relief. I realised that no one was asking me to be perfect — except me.

My children want a mother who laughs. My husband wants a wife who’s present. My friends want a woman who’s real. My faith calls for a heart that’s sincere. And my workplace benefits from someone who is rested and grounded.

None of those roles require perfection. They simply require me.

So if you’re reading this and feeling like you’re failing at everything — you’re not. You’re human, doing your best in a world that asks too much and gives too little grace.

You are enough — not because you do everything perfectly, but because you show up, again and again, with love.

Maybe that’s what being everything to everyone really means — not giving 100% to everything, but giving your heart, imperfectly, one moment at a time.